A Well Meaning Lady….

I have no idea if this is true, but wish it so….  Came to me on the internet:

A lady Canadian libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the government, complaining about the treatment of captive insurgents (terrorists) being held in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.

She received back the following reply:

National Defense Headquarters

MGen George R. Pearkes Bldg, 15 NT

101 Colonel By Drive

Ottawa ON K1A 0K2


Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern of  treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by Canadian  Forces – who were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan  Government and are currently being held by Afghan officials in  Afghanistan National correctional System facilities.

Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions  were heard loud and clear here in Ottawa .

You will be pleased to learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like  yourself; we are creating a new Department here at the Department of  National Defense, to be called ‘Liberals Accept Responsibility for  Killers’ program, or L.A.R.K. For short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided  to divert one terrorist and place him in your personal care.

Your personal detainee has been selected and is scheduled for  transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence in Toronto   next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him  Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally  demanded in your letter of complaint.

It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers.

We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of  care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommend  in your letter.

Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your  sensitivity to what you described as his “attitudinal problem ” will  help him overcome these character flaws.

Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural  differences.

We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat  and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or  nail clippers.

We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your  next yoga group.

He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from  common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked  up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property.

This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known  to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the  new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire.

I’m sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka  over time. Just remember that it is all part of ‘respecting his  culture and religious beliefs’ as described in your letter.

Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like  you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our  fellow man.

You take good care of Ahmed – and remember we’ll be watching.

Good luck and God bless you.


Gordon O’Connor

Minister of National Defense


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